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Found him… December 1, 2013

Posted by insanity2insanity in Uncategorized.
Tags: , , , , , , ,

He says, he doesn’t want a romantic relationship with me…
He says he loves me in the least romantic way possible…
He says he isn’t going anywhere and I am stuck with him…
He says we are platonic friends…

My brain says where have you been all my life…
My brain says we have a strong heart connection…
My brain has been pumping that happy juice ever since I met him, so much that my body is overwhelmed with emotions…

My heart says this is our guy…
My heart says I love you with every beat…
My heart says let me love you until the feeling wears off…

I have never felt like this before. I have been ‘in love’, I am sure because I was married once but what I feel now and what I feel then doesn’t begin to compare.

It has taken many agonizing months before I could accept this situation and realize the words don’t matter. I cried so many tears, and doubted myself because of his words until I understood that they are just words.

These words guide me to protect my heart, but they don’t stop me from loving him. They don’t stop me from showing him how much I love him.
His words stop me from having to prove myself. It gives me the freedom to make mistakes, without judging myself.

I am not compelled to do something every day or every minute to shore up his ego. I can relearn me, while exploring the dynamics of a real man. All the while clarifying in my mind the traits (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.) that I want in the man I ultimately choose to spend the rest of my life with.

In the beginning I worried about being perfect for him, about fitting myself in the mold that he would want.
I know now that I am beautiful and quirky and sexy and perfect for him (in his capacity to accept me) just as I am. Any quality I choose to ‘fix’ will be for me. My well being, my happiness, my health, it will be on my terms.

I know I have found him and I love him already. It’s ok that he doesn’t know he has found me…



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